I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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