And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
