Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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