Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
