That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
