Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
