I cannot find my penis.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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