i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
