Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
