I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
