that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
