Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
