Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
