Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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