I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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