we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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