Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
