If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can I color on your dick again?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
