If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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