before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
