I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
