I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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