yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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