Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
