So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
