I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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