I could have mohawked her pubes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
