Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
