I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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