I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
