i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
