1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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