the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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