my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
