I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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