Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
