so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
