U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
