So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
In America we eat man semen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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