Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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