dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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