The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
