I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
