i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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