I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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