Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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