did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
