I got her a Nickelback box set.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
