never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
