The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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