i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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