I wish I could teleport
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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