I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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