I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
