I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
