I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
