just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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