Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
