Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
false alarm. still invincible.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
