And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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