I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
