The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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