This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
