Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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