The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
