apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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