Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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