Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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