Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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