Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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