I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
