I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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