Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
