We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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