Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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