Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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