We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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